Viva Las Vegas

Ahh yes, I was consciously leading him on. He was in two of my four classes -- and I was with him before and after...and just about every other second in between. I was comfortable with him. I liked the idea of him. He was sweet, sensitive, and he cared about me unlike anyone I had ever known and I didn't want to let him go.

He wasn't your typical guy, he didn't go to the strip club with his friends, he didn't check out other girls. When I was with him I was the only girl in the room and I'd always catch him staring. Little did he know, when he wasn't looking I was staring.

The days passed and I had yet to let my guard down. I even hung out with my ex a few times. I never told my ex about him. I didn't have the heart to. And this ate me up inside because I am an honest person, sometimes too honest, but I wasn't ready to tell him about him. However, I convinced myself it was OK by telling him I went on "dates."

I was always honest with Dustin and he always knew when me and the ex would hang out because I'd disappear for a while and not answer my phone. You see, I still cared about my ex, and it wasn't that I still wanted to be with him, because deep down I knew he wasn't right for me. I just had a lot of respect for him and still do to this day. He was a great person and a hard worker. I learned a lot while I was with him and he helped me to grow up a little bit and I didn't feel I was ready to exclude him from my world.

So, he (him not my ex) would get upset and territorial and ask why? I didn't want to hurt him and though it did, I cared about him enough to be honest. And I thought it would prove I wasn't ready to be in a relationship.

This didn't phase him at all though. It only made him try harder to sweep me off my feet. My whole life I dreamed of being swept off my feet, but every time he'd try to pick my up I basically kicked him where the sun didn't shine, not literally, but with my words and my actions.

I was miss independent. I didn't need him to open doors for me or to pay for my dinner. I didn't want my mom to tell me what a nice guy he was or for people to refer to him as my boyfriend (and everyone did). I didn't want him to think he had me. I didn't even want him to think he had a chance, even though deep down I knew I wasn't going anywhere.

Still I kept up my independent ways. When I went out with the girls I'd give other guys my number (it only happened once) and I even went on a date and kissed another guy, all to prove to myself, him and everyone else I was single and FREE!

He still stuck around through all the abuse and I have to give the son of a gun credit, he took it like a man. And he never had a bad thing to say about me. Don't get me wrong, he did complain that I was unfair and mean, but he never let up. His friends would tell him that I'd never come around and I was playing with his head. I knew I'd eventually prove them wrong, but I still wasn't ready. . .

While on my mission of independence I was very close to graduating. Just a few credits away. One credit in particular was an internship. All of my friends got their internships signed off by friends of their parents or ended up doing an internship that was more of a burden than a learning experience. I wanted to be different, I still wasn't sure what I was going to do with my future and I'm the kind of person that is frightened by the unknown. So, I thought I'd apply for an internship in a big city -- and better yet, away from home.

He had applied for an internship a year prior in Las Vegas and I thought that was so cool. But he turned it down because he didn't want to leave his girlfriend. So one late night I decided to research internships in Sin City. I found two. I thought what the heck? It's not like they'd choose some girl from Connecticut that goes to a state school and works as a waitress.

I also applied to an internship in New York and asked around about local opportunities. I didn't have my heart set on Vegas. I just thought I'd give it a try.

I completely forgot I had applied....Until one Saturday in March my mom called me while I was at work. And my mom rarely ever calls me unless its something very urgent. So I went to the bathroom to see what was up. Holy shart, MGM Grand Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas called me! I had such an adrenaline rush at this point I burst out of the bathroom hopping around like Mr. Peter Cotton tail. Everyone thought I was losing my mind, which wasn't uncommon, but I didn't hesitate to gloat about my BIG news.

But hold on, there was a catch. I didn't have the internship yet, just a phone interview. I was pretty nervous about this interview. I remember all the time spent in college learning about the interview process and how to prepare to sell my self in 60 seconds or less.

I didn't tell him at first. When I told him I applied, I'm assuming he like myself and everyone else I told thought it was a long shot. But eventually I did sit him down and told him. He got nervous. He tried to be as happy for me as he could, but I knew deep down he wished it wasn't happening.

From that point on it was his mission to get an internship in Vegas and he proudly stated that if he didn't get one he'd move out there just to be with me. How lucky right? No....I wanted this to be my thing. It would only be 3 months and I would finally get that space I wanted so badly and time to find myself. I didn't know the me without a guy by her side. I didn't know how I'd survive on my own and as scary as it was it was I was so excited and for the first time in my life the unknown felt like my one way ticket to freedom.

I let him know I didn't want him there. It wasn't a secret, but he didn't care. He wasn't letting me go alone. I mean c'mon, I didn't even have the internship at this point, just a measly phone interview that in my mind I thought I was going to blow.

The phone interview came and went. I so blew it and let me tell you, very rarely do I get nervous, but I stuttered and for the first time in my life was at a loss for words. . .

Well the dream of my summer in Vegas was nice while it lasted. I blew it. My biggest worry was having to tell everyone that I failed. You see, I'm not a failer. I don't know how to fail. I always got the good grades, I was always the girl he made the team and got the starting position. And don't get me wrong I've been benched and sidelined throughout my life, but it only made me hungrier for more and this time there was nothing I could do to fix it. . .

I didn't tell anyone at first. Just said I was waiting to hear back from MGM. Weeks passed and not a word.

Then about a month later the director of the internship called me. She said I did not get the position I had interviewed for which by the way was to work in the business center receiving and shipping packages (whatever).... BUT there was a catch, a Communications position opened up in the Corporate offices of MGM MIRAGE. Ummm did she say a Communications position? Yes she did and seriously the news could not have been better. . .But as always there was another catch. I had to do another phone interview. Yikes!

This time around I devised a plan of action. I remembered everything that went wrong the last time around and practiced. I also researched the department and read their press releases and other publications. I also researched the field of PR to reinforce what I already knew and learn more.

I remember pacing, waiting for the call. It came and went, but this time they said I didn't require a phone interview because my resume was impressive enough to seal the deal. I was speechless. I was numb, but I was thrilled and anxious and nervous and scared and happy and...obviously confused, but then it hit me I was going to Vegas!!

There's more coming :P